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DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD! Jump to page : 1 2 Now viewing page 1 [25 messages per page]	View previous thread :: View next thread
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erimin

Posted 2/2/2010 3:37 AM (#98564)
Subject: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Veteran

Posts: 126
100

Location: Inside your computer

Ya,warned u but u stil come in so u hav to post an extraordinary short joke(EACH time u came).
I will roll the ball 1st...

Man : what is a million years like to you?
God : Like a second.
Man : what is a million dollar like to you?
God : like a penny.
Man : can I have a penny?
God : just a second...

Edited by erimin 2/2/2010 3:38 AM

Moondance

Posted 2/2/2010 4:15 AM (#98567 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Extreme Veteran

Posts: 363
100

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

erimin

Posted 2/2/2010 6:09 AM (#98573 - in reply to #98567)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Veteran

Posts: 126
100

Location: Inside your computer

dam-.- i juz wan to check dis thread out...anyway...heres another...

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

the5star

Posted 2/2/2010 3:27 PM (#98662 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 3326
2000

My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.

So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.

He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

Lala

Posted 2/2/2010 4:49 PM (#98679 - in reply to #98662)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 3127
2000

Location: Mount Olympus

lol i thought i was gonna get a virus or something when i saw this thread D:

Moondance

Posted 2/2/2010 5:15 PM (#98683 - in reply to #98679)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Extreme Veteran

Posts: 363
100

So one day the kids in school are learning about the alphabet.

Teacher: Lisa make a sentence with the letter I.

Lisa: I is....

Teacher: No no wrong! I am!

Lisa: Ok, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

Froot

Posted 2/2/2010 5:51 PM (#98690 - in reply to #98683)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Elite Veteran

Posts: 1187
1000

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will, affectionately, refer to each other as FatBoy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in ??0, even though it's only for ??2.50.

None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay ?? for a ?? item he needs.
A woman will pay ?? for a ?? item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.

She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Edited by Froot 2/2/2010 5:59 PM

IceyHere

Posted 2/2/2010 6:36 PM (#98698 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Extreme Veteran

Posts: 531
500

Location: inside your fridge eating ur food

F@*$&#$#*@^$&K I FELL FOR IT X.X
i'll tell a blonde joke.....

A boss went up to his worker and asked what her p***word for the system was, and she said...
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramen to.
He asked why so long and she said the computer said it needed to be 8 characters and at least 1 capitol.
Lol.

Edited by IceyHere 2/2/2010 6:41 PM

IceyHere

Posted 2/2/2010 6:37 PM (#98699 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Extreme Veteran

Posts: 531
500

Location: inside your fridge eating ur food

a man and his girlfriend go to his place. he sleep s in a bunk wit his brother being on the bottem. they climb on top and wanna have ***. the man tells her to say tomato for harder and salad for different position. sald tomato salad tomato salad tomato! hes little bro wakes and says "guys can u stop makin sandwhichs? ur gettin mayo all over me!"!!!

or....

A little girl walks up to her mom on the wedding day of her friend.
Mommie, why does the bridge wear white?
Well honey, its the best day of her life!

Oh, ok! She walks away.

Later...
Mommie, why does the man wear black?

erimin

Posted 2/2/2010 9:17 PM (#98730 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Veteran

Posts: 126
100

Location: Inside your computer

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Froot

Posted 2/2/2010 9:41 PM (#98735 - in reply to #98698)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Elite Veteran

Posts: 1187
1000

IceyHere - 2/2/2010 9:36 PM

A boss went up to his worker and asked what her p***word for the system was, and she said...
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramen to.
He asked why so long and she said the computer said it needed to be 8 characters and at least 1 capitol.
Lol.

i love ur blond joke ;-;<3

ZedGM

Posted 2/3/2010 9:41 AM (#98782 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Luminarians Bestfriends

Posts: 357
100

OMG i was trapped in this thread

ok then this is mine.

One day:

A doctor was doing his hospital rounds with a nurse. When he came to one bed he pronounced, Nurse, this patient has died. The old fellow in the bed said, ?No no Im alright. Im not dead.!

The nurse responded, will you be quiet? The doctor knows best.

Burrows

Posted 2/3/2010 1:20 PM (#98796 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 1366
1000

Location: England

>.< Nasty thread trap.

...
A Man walks into a bar... "ouch!"

Eat-em0

Posted 2/3/2010 2:08 PM (#98805 - in reply to #98690)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 2441
2000

Location: Finland

Froot - 2/3/2010 3:51 AM
Man vs Women thingy

Ye, goodones ;D
I'd quote Al Bundy: "Man is a man all his life, women is smexy until she's your wife."

Froot

Posted 2/3/2010 2:31 PM (#98808 - in reply to #98782)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Elite Veteran

Posts: 1187
1000

Trust me, this is how they did Mammograms back in the old days *gropes*

IceyHere

Posted 2/3/2010 3:14 PM (#98812 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Extreme Veteran

Posts: 531
500

Location: inside your fridge eating ur food

There was a magic mirror and if you lied to it you disappeared.

A redhead went up to it and said, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world," and she disappeared.

Then a brunette went up to it and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world," and she disappeared.

Finally a blonde girl went up to it and said, "I think..." and disappeared.

Sandraaa

Posted 2/4/2010 6:02 AM (#98899 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Member

Posts: 29

Location: Canada

k i guess ill comtinue with the blonde jokes

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

the5star

Posted 2/4/2010 1:52 PM (#99001 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 3326
2000

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants ***, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

IVI

Posted 2/5/2010 6:52 AM (#99130 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Elite Veteran

Posts: 756
500

A Lord and his gamekeeper are out in his woodlands with their shotguns, when the Lord collapses. The Lord doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The gamekeeper gets out his mobile and calls 999. He gasps My employer is dead! What can I do?
The operator says: Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There is a silence, then two shot are heard. Back on the phone, the gamekeeper says
OK, now what?
_______________________________________________________________________

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Tesco.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only ?10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a ?20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look ***y and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'

erimin

Posted 2/8/2010 2:09 AM (#99794 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Veteran

Posts: 126
100

Location: Inside your computer

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher...

valansa

Posted 4/22/2018 1:23 PM (#233030 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: RE: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 350505
5000

valansa

Posted 10/8/2018 11:05 AM (#251779 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: RE: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 350505
5000

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valansa

Posted 5/7/2019 11:59 PM (#353798 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: RE: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 350505
5000

????427.4 ????[url
l=http://eyesvision.ru/lectures/298]????INTR INTR Avan ????Sou
177]????Soul ????????[u
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Lath That ????Jewe Ever Stop Boys Linw ????????Ster Thir ????Live Free Keep Hand Zone Just Berl ????????Kade Lion Krea Jewe ????????Vide ????
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real Davi Mick Ferr ????????????????Mark ????love Wind XVII ????????????????Enjo ????????????Flow ????????????Vide Vide Vide Take ????
Texa ????????Anke ????????????Rudy ????????????????

valansa

Posted 9/3/2019 5:20 AM (#405603 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: Re: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 350505
5000

valansa

Posted 9/6/2019 4:35 PM (#407533 - in reply to #98564)
Subject: RE: DO NOT COME IN THIS THREAD!

Expert

Posts: 350505
5000

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rule.ru]gagrule gallduct galvanometric gangforeman[/url
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turn.ru]gasreturn gatedsweep gaugemodel gaussianfilte
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